BDSM Blogs (124 unread)




DeeDee is visiting MasterDoc this week, but he set aside Tuesday night for me while she went out on her first Domme date – that is, she’s exploring her Domme side and meeting potential male submissives!
When I got to MasterDoc’s, Stacina was on the living room floor naked. This is just one thing in the long list of things that would be remarkable/weird in another household but it’s completely expected when you go to MasterDoc’s. He had a hot threesome with Stacina and DeeDee that day. Unfortunately I had to be at work during this. I get that feeling like a little kid wanting to stay up on New Year’s Eve – I don’t want to miss any of the fun. But life intervenes and one must earn a living….
MasterDoc had just dropped DeeDee off at the subway to go to her date, and Stacina was gathering her wits about her. She left soon after, but not before doing some clean up. Can you tell she was a service sub for a long time? She brought me a drink of water, unasked. I would like to be that thoughtful. I do it for MasterDoc but I’m not the best hostess. I need to work on that.
After she left, I did the mandatory time on the Wii Fit and showered. MasterDoc did the same and we heated up yummy leftovers for dinner. I wondered if he was going to still want to get freaky with me since he had such a sexual day – but I should know better than to worry about that. He suggested I take the laptop into the bedroom. I knew this was the cue that we were going to fool around. I put the throe on the bed and the laptop too, and got out lube, condoms and my collar. Key item I forgot: I should have plugged in the magic wand! Luckily he let me do this after he reminded me.
We cuddled for a while, and I was really happy to have that alone time with him. I like playing with his “spot” – I think I’ve mentioned here that he has this delectable spot in the middle of his chest where the hair is just the right density and rubbing it is comforting. We joked about making a sex doll version of his chest for “post-orgasmic relaxation.” I then came up with the idea to put “spot worship” as a fetish on fetlife. If you see that, you’ll know it was me.
He had me pick out some porn, and I continued with the public humiliation porn with “Nadia.” (No that’s not me, but she looks like she’s having fun.) He had me put my collar on and sit on the bed in front of him. He took the lightest cane to my breasts, flicking the nipples. The cane really needs to be striking you sideways to make an impact. On my left breast it was barely noticeable as he had the tip striking it. Next, I was up on hands and knees. My pain tolerance seemed pretty good last night, and he gave me a long caning using the light and medium canes. He tapped my upper back with it, he went lightly on my ass and then harder. I was in subspace pretty quickly, and so when he climbed on the bed next to me and grabbed by tits roughly from underneath, I was struck by how hot it is to endure pain for someone. It’s such a mark of devotion to let someone hurt you. (Of course, in some respects I like the pain.) I felt acutely aware of the pleasure of sadism for a change. I felt that his beating me could be arousing for him as well – usually I feel like it’s more of a service the Dom does for the masochistic sub. I liked believing he enjoys it too, for the first time. Funny how that doesn’t get into my head.
Laying on my back now, he played with my cunt, adding just a bit of lube. He teased the clitoris with his fingers and eventually worked his fingers into me. He stroked the g-spot – enough to make it feel wonderful but not enough to make me come.
“Do you like my fingers inside you?”
“Oh yes, Sir!”
He reclined and had me play with this inner thighs and his cock got quite hard. He had me up on hands and knees, condom on, ready to fuck me when… his phone rang. It was DeeDee so he answered it. She was home early and would it be ok if she came upstairs? He had told her we should be done by 10 pm and not to come home before then, it was around 9:30 when she called. Yes, rather than have her wait in the building lobby he told her to come up.
By that time, his cock had gone soft. He joked about how I have a reason to be annoyed with DeeDee, but soon enough his cock was at attention again. He starts to fuck me when… his phone rang. It was DeeDee again, she didn’t have the key to his apartment and was stuck outside until he went to open the door. He told her she had to wait this time, and proceeded to fuck me hard. I was concerned that maybe she was outside the door to the building, in the cold. So when it came time for me to come, I couldn’t quite get there. Not to be daunted, MasterDoc proceeded to finger my g-spot (yes, Virginia, it does exist) and even grabbed the magic wand. He made me come until every last orgasm was wrung from my body. I collapsed in a heap. He went and opened the door for DeeDee.
He came back for cuddles and I was quite happy. After cuddling was done to satisfaction he had DeeDee come in to tell us about her date. It went well, but ultimately that’s her story to tell if she wishes.

I hadn’t expected any nooky Sunday before I had to leave MasterDoc’s place. After all, I had had an incredibly fun weekend with him. But he had something else in mind. He started talking about needles and ice cubes.
The funny thing is the ice cubes scare me more. I don’t like being cold. A needle stick is very brief but if you get the chills you can be shivering for a while. He teased me by saying he’d put an ice cube in my pussy. Yipes! But strangely enough, I was turned on by him teasing me with something awful.
When my collar was on, he had me lay down on my stomach on the mat in the living room. He had just carried in an ice cube tray, so I knew he wasn’t just teasing about the ice. I could feel the coolness of alcohol wipes as he cleaned the skin on my ass. I waited for a needle stick, but instead he dragged an ice cube over both cheeks. Eep! It wasn’t as awful as I had anticipated. Later he said that hey, wasn’t he nice to numb my butt with ice before the needles? He was being a little facetious there as my butt was not numbed from the gentle trail of ice. He grabbed one cheek in his hand and I knew that the needle was coming next. I yelped a little, and kicked up my opposite leg as I tried not to flinch as he stuck me with the needle.
This was followed by some hard spanks on my opposite cheek. He was going to do needles on both sides, he later said, but he decided to keep one cheek free for spanking. Again he grabbed my butt firmly and slid a needle in.
He next teased my clit with the bullet vibe. I was really aroused by the combination of sensations. He slid the bullet inside me and left it there. He asked if I could feel it and while I could it didn’t do much to stimulate me. It’s just not intense enough. He spanked me some more and flicked the needles in my ass with his fingers to make them smart.
He sat down on the chair near my head and told me to crawl over there and suck his cock. I did and while I sucked he told me to use my hands. I shifted my weight so I could hold myself up better and use my hands to gently manipulate the inside of this thighs and around his genitals. Meanwhile, I kept sucking, inspired by his telling me that if I got his cock hard that he’d fuck me with it. I felt so delightfully slutty kneeling there, needles in one ass cheek, sucking his cock deep into my mouth. He grabbed my head a bit, which never fails to turn me on.
He fucked me from behind and allowed me to use the bullet on my clit. Between the buzzing on my sensitive clit and his big cock plunging inside me, I was incredibly aroused. He’d flick the needles every so often, and it was so strangely hot. I’d moan more when he did this. He’s been fucking me quite hard lately and it drives me crazy. At some point he pulled the needles out of my skin but I barely noticed.
He tells me to come and I do, muscles pushing his cock out. I want nothing more than for him to continue the amazing feelings with his hands, and he fingers me, prodding my g-spot making me come over and over. I start to sag towards the floor from being on my knees as I’m overcome with the waves of coming.
I collapsed in a heap after, and was grinning like crazy. I don’t think I have adequate words to capture just how hot this fuck was. I was thankful when he admitted afterward that he was going to push an ice cube into my asshole as he was fucking me, but he couldn’t reach the ice tray. Phew.

Late Saturday afternoon we put on a show. I wasn’t initially in the mood for one, I was hoping for a quiet afternoon in and possibly some more use of my behind the back restraints. (I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they will get a fair amount of use.) MasterDoc had me dress in the maid costume from Halloween, and I felt silly. I was embarrassed and not in the hot-humiliation-play sort of way. He pointed out that had I asked nicely not to wear it, I may have been allowed to forgo it that day, but since I was a bit cranky I ended up in the costume. I started feeling a bit better after I put on fishnet stockings and the high heels. They made me feel sexier as did our guest’s reaction when he saw me. His immediate reaction was, “Wow! Very nice! Very pretty.”
I think heels look fabulous, but I can’t stand wearing the bloody things. I also thought that MasterDoc’s neighbors must be cursing me as I clumped around on the wooden floor in heels. I asked for permission to take them off and thankfully he let me. I got drinks for everyone as MasterDoc started making conversation with our guest. I sat on the couch next to MasterDoc in my silly maid outfit and blushed profusely as they talked about me, and MasterDoc talked about our relationship. It’s funny, the feminist in me realizes that I shouldn’t be all into being liked for my looks and sex appeal, but damn it does feel good to feel sexy.
My friend Coy Pink recently sent along a new toy when she was so very kind to send me some yummy tea. (Let me just say, she rocks. And she has some hooooot pictures on her site.) She had won an electrosex power box and wasn’t interested in it herself. She asked if I was interested and since MasterDoc has some TENS units we’ve used, I said yes. We had taken it out of the box and looked it over, but not played with it yet. MasterDoc applied two of the electrodes on either side of my left nipple. He played with the settings on the box and for a while I didn’t feel anything. Then he started to get it going and I jumped suddenly. Our guest said, “Oh she felt that!” and seemed amused. He asked if it could be used elsewhere, such as my pussy. MasterDoc said, ooh he’ s a meanie, and opted instead for my inner thigh since he’s not accustomed to using the unit yet. He played with shocking me a bit more before deciding to put the toy away. I’m curious to see what it would be like if we had a vaginal electrode attachment. Yikes. Could be amazingly fun or horrible torture.
He had me get on my knees and blow him. It’s a very subservient position to be in – on your knees, breasts bared, sucking the cock of your dressed Dom and being watched by another perv. In case you might misinterpret that, I mean it’s hot. Plus I’m quite happy with my “slut’s pacifier” in my mouth.
Our guest was appreciative, paying me many compliments throughout the show. This added to the ego boost MasterDoc had been giving me lately by giving me lots of compliments and reminding me how much he loves me. I have to admit that I’m not feeling so down on myself now.
I got bent over the scoop and flogged and paddled. (He used the wooden paddle, which is much harsher than the leather slut paddle.) I’ll include some pictures here for your viewing pleasure. MasterDoc also teased me with my bullet vibe and played with me until I begged to come. I came in typically spectacular fashion – you can’t mistake me for someone who’s not enjoying herself.
(New camera. Haven’t fixed the date stamp!)
After I recovered, MasterDoc had me do more dick sucking, followed by laying on my back masturbating on the mat on the floor. It’s funny how I have no trouble doing this in front of a stranger (I mean, it’s HOT) but I do keep my eyes closed as much as possible. I was already really wet from coming before. MasterDoc had me get on hands and knees and he fucked me from behind. He should be quite proud at the good fucking he gave me, there are men younger than 55 who can’t manage what he did. Rowr. Again, I came spectacularly hard to the delight of our guest. He swore that he would definitely come again for another show.

(compared to last post at least)
We went out to our usual swing club last night. As can be expected the eve after New Year’s Eve, it was fairly empty, and there were mostly single men. We wandered a bit and initially we were the only couple there. After we relaxed with drinks, MasterDoc had me put my collar on. We put pillows on the hard floor and I got on my knees to give him a blow job. As usual, we enjoyed having an audience – single men immediately came over and sat nearby to watch. I was wearing my leather waist cincher and between that and my collar I was very much in sub mode. (And as I was wearing a plunging black bra and black mesh shirt as well, my boobs looked spectacular.) His cock peeked out from his open fly and I sucked it, making sure to move my head around so that I didn’t rub against the same spot over and over, like he taught me. I love hearing him moan lightly and gasp from my licking and sucking. The single guys gave me compliments after, in the hopes that I might be willing to play with them. I don’t think they realized that that was entirely up to MasterDoc.
A young, fit couple came in, and they started fooling around in the “exhibitionists’ room.” Despite the name of this room, there’s mesh curtains hanging that obscured the view. When I came back from a trip to the restroom, MasterDoc had moved onto the bed across from the couple and was watching along with two of the single guys. I joined him. The woman in the couple was mostly still dressed – panties, bra, camisole – the guy still had a t-shirt and socks on. He was into it – into the exhibitionism, into fucking her. He liked to choke her lightly and sometimes she seemed to fight him off doing it. She seemed into the sex only intermittently and she didn’t come as far as I could tell. MasterDoc had me start sucking his cock while he watched the couple fuck. I enjoyed knowing that he was getting a show while I was pleasuring him. When my mouth wore out, he had me give him a hand job as we watched the couple some more. MasterDoc started playing with my breasts, reaching in and coaxing my nipples out of the bra. I was pretty damn horny and I gladly took my top off when he told me to. The couple finished fucking and got dressed.
I got naked; I was somehow proud of my ability to strip when a woman with a much nicer body than me didn’t. The two single men moved closer. I lay back and played with pussy as MasterDoc hands one guy a flashlight to shine light on it. The light hits me in the eyes a bit, so I close my eyes. MasterDoc gives me the bullet vibe I packed and I got worked up quickly as I rubbed the buzzing vibe against my clit. There was something extra hot about feeling my freshly shaved pussy while three clothed men were around me watching. MasterDoc gently touched pussy, which turned me on even more than you would think. The man with the flashlight asked to lick me, but MasterDoc declined. But when the guy wanted to see my asshole, MasterDoc had me show him. MasterDoc had me wet his fingers and he fingered me. In a very short period of time, I begged to come. After making me beg over and over, “Please Sir, may I come??” he let me come loud and hard. I assume MasterDoc let the guy sitting behind my head touch me, he gently touched my hair and face and tugged on my collar. I was surprised that I didn’t mind a stranger pulling on my collar – I found it pretty damn hot actually. The guy was smart enough to do it gently and not scare me.
Then we fucked. I was on hands and knees using the bullet vibe on my clit. He fucked me quite hard and varied the pace and thrusting. I ride it out as long as I can, my face passionately scrunched up, mouth slack, as one guy sits on the bed directly across from me and watches from only two feet away. MasterDoc slaps my ass and calls me bitch a few times along the way. When I couldn’t take it any more, I begged for orgasm. He let me and I came hard – somehow not pushing his cock out. His cock seems extra hard these days. Eventually it did get pushed out, and he decided I had had enough coming. He pulled my legs back so I ended up laying on my tummy, and he ran his hand up my spine. Then he nibbled my back in a few spots which made me moan, smile and giggle naughtily.
I’m sure hearing about this comfort level with my body in public runs so contrary to the person I described in the last post – insecure, shy, self-hating, etc. It’s odd, sometimes I’m confident, sometimes not. Whether I’m ill with a depression then or not makes a huge difference. And it probably doesn’t help that I shrug off some of the things I do as no big deal, when in fact for many people fucking in public, completely naked, while having an imperfect body, would be a very big deal indeed.
___________________________
Earlier in the week, I forgot to chronicle a sexual encounter with MasterDoc. It was very different than most of our encounters. I was still trying to regain confidence and calm, and he gently played with my body, gradually working his way down. He went down on me, for what was probably a good twenty minutes. It felt wonderful but I have a hard time coming from oral alone. (It’s strange how things change, I loved oral when I was in my early 20’s and came well from it.) I was eager to come and despite his giving me permission to, I couldn’t quite manage it. But then he added his fingers, and as they probed my g-spot I came. He is expert at making me feel good, and it certainly helped my mood.

This entry was started last weekend – twice. I fell into a deep depression on Saturday and I’ve taken my time figuring out how much about it I want to share.
I’m leaving out the many bits that added up and led to this but I ended up crying hysterically (yes, truly hysterically. I was gasping for air because I was crying so hard) at MasterDoc’s and being totally contrary, depressed and angry for the better part of the day. Bless MasterDoc’s patience. He did all he could to try to shake me out of it but I was unshakable for much of the day. He tried caning, which just pissed me off. *chuckle* He tried a firm hand, taking control, telling me to get my collar and get up and do some chores. That didn’t work. I was so weighted down with depression that I couldn’t move. I really couldn’t move. And when I finally got up to go use the bathroom I struggled to get to my feet and amble down the hall. It was a feeling much like when you’re heavily sick with flu and you feel like you’re moving through molasses.
But he kept at it, kept talking to me. Kept trying to reason with me through my tears. (He’s nothing if not a reasonable, rational man.) Eventually the core was reached – I don’t think I’m worthy of being loved. All the rest is window dressing for this one core truth. Sure there are times when I’m not depressed when I feel worthwhile, but depression makes me feel utterly useless and unlovable. I’ve struggled with this since late childhood.
Sometimes via writing this blog I get people telling me I’m sexy, exciting, wonderful, attractive, etc. At those times the little low self-esteem voice in my head quotes the following bit from a Neil Finn song, Truth:
“They have showered me with riches /and they say that I am worthy of their love and their attention/ but they still don’t know the truth.”
I figure why believe someone who only knows me through the blog? Even though I am extremely candid here someone still can’t know me entirely with all my foibles and full-on flaws. I can’t accept compliments. Not really. I grew up thinking that if I felt good about myself then I was being egotistical and that I should always know my flaws and work on them. (Maybe this is a residual Catholic thing?) When I started coming out of the depression on Saturday, started being more reasonable at least, MasterDoc listed a bunch of things he likes about me; and I didn’t recognize the person he described. I didn’t think it could be me. But at the same time it felt so good to be told I’m loved and wanted.
As I was slowly recovering emotionally, I had a revelation. I finally understood age play. I had always been among the camp of “that makes me really uncomfortable but I won’t interfere with two consenting adults playing how they want to play.” But jeez, Saturday night I wanted nothing more than to be taken care of like a little child. I wanted to abdicate all responsibility. I wanted to be told when to brush my teeth and go to bed. I wanted to be held and petted and told I’m loved. It was a struggle for me to do tasks MasterDoc asked me to do, having any responsibility felt like too much for me to handle. I really felt like I needed to be taken care of. I did get petting from MasterDoc and told that I’m loved, but I didn’t get the full level of being controlled and taken care of. Oh well. That’s not what our relationship is like.
By the next day I was feeling calmer and no longer suicidal. I’ve struggled with dips into depression this week but have ultimately ended the week on a stable note. Wednesday night, while MasterDoc caned me, he made me repeat after him, “I am incredibly lovable.” He made me say it a few times and made me promise that I would remember that. We talked a little about how I came to feel this way when I was young, and having a mother who was moody and wildly unpredictable had a lot to do with it – i.e., one day I’d say “good morning” and she’d be loving and we’d bake cookies, but another morning I’d say the same exact thing in the same exact way and she’d bite my head off. As MasterDoc and I talked, he asked if I had ever tried to diagnose my mother. (I have an educational background in psychology.) I haven’t really, but immediately I said that she must suffer from depression like I do. And MasterDoc wondered aloud if I ever realized that these issues were my mother’s own or if I internalized them and blamed myself. And you know, until last night, at age 37, I never had the thought that these issues were my mother’s, and not my fault. I blamed myself from a young age. I thought that I made her mad or sad.
Somehow, I forget how, he came up with the idea of a time out next time I snap at him – time facing the corner to cool down and think. I think it’s interesting how a lot of what I’m getting out of our relationship in recent weeks is sorta parenting my inner child on things I missed out on when I actually was a child. I don’t doubt that my submission has some roots in wanting to be loved and pleasing. I think it could be really healing to try to please someone who is capable of being pleased for a change.
MasterDoc continued to say wonderful things to me all evening, working on bolstering my self-esteem. I’m trying to figure out how to accept the compliments. He feels a little offended that, in a way, I should think so little of his opinion of me as to not believe it. But it’s not that his opinion is off, it’s that I just can’t think about myself rationally sometimes.
We did eventually have sex, and while I came hard as always (rowr!) I was slow to warm up by that time as he bounced between watching porn on the computer and watching basketball on tv. I had been ready for fooling around after the caning but the sex didn’t come til much later. I didn’t complain, and he pointed out that I’m patient. He fucked me, and the ensuing hard orgasm helped my already improving mood. As we watched an assfucking porn afterward, I told him that it made me want to be fucked up the ass. And yes, he fucked me up the ass then. Very hot. I lay back after each fucking and felt utterly content.
He jerked off to come, and came in my mouth again. I sucked his cock while holding the come in my mouth and gleefully dribbled it out when he told me to. I think this is my current fetish. I hope that he’ll have me rub it over my breasts or something next time.
So as I head into the new year, I seem to be dealing with a bout of depression. Hopefully I will manage to work through it like I always have in the past. Having a loving Dom will certainly help. Having a loving Davey will help too, but I think part of me needs a bit of a challenge when it comes to being loved. I feel like I need to earn it, and Davey loves me virtually unconditionally. Not that MasterDoc doesn’t, but he criticizes constructively and gets me working on improving. I think I need to prove to myself that I have earned the love I receive.


HNT Courtesy of Molls (via Eat The Cake NYC)
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I have a new toy to review and I got to try it out last night for the first time. It’s “behind the back restraint“: basically a collar with rings attached and a leather piece leading down the back, at the base of this leather piece are two wrist cuffs. MasterDoc put me in it and I was really quite helpless. He then decided to nap on the sofa and I was to wake him in 15 minutes. I sat there, hands behind my back and became totally aroused. I had been watching kinky porn before this, so I was already in a state of arousal but the bondage and knowing that MasterDoc had essentially “left” me there in that state while he napped down the other end of the couch got me even more worked up. I contemplated why I liked the sensation and I think the vulnerability of having my breasts so exposed and not being able to use my hands at all was the key. The idea of being attacked with nipple clamps that I can’t possibly take off myself, putting me entirely at his mercy made me squirm as I sat there.
He didn’t really nap much but did have me articulate what I was thinking. Then he conjured up a hot outfit to put me in next time we’re out in a club: my leather waist cincher, the behind the back restraint, a leash attached to that collar, Njoy pure plug up my ass, a gag and a blindfold. Wow. That is just so hot. Talking to Stacina online today she added in the idea of a skirt, panties and blouse – that would then be cut off using a sharp, shiny object (blouse and panties anyway).
I was reasonably comfortable in the restraints and I really enjoyed the helplessness. Problem was, we hadn’t set up any necessary items and I couldn’t even stand up from being on the couch with my arms like that! MasterDoc undid the cuffs and sent me off to the bedroom to set up. I was sad to be let free, but certainly it was practical so MasterDoc wouldn’t have to do the setting up.
When the bedroom was set, he lay on the bed and ended up in an IM conversation with Stacina. He had me lay behind him on the bed and amuse myself. I was already wet and playing with my myself when he laughed and filled me in on what Stacina was saying. Apparently she is rather switchy and was suggesting keeping him online talking to her for an extended period of time to torture me. Yikes! Sad thing is, submissive that I am, I got so hot thinking about that – about how they were deliberately ignoring me as I got more and more worked up. I started fantasizing about the two of them controlling me and taking turns fucking me. *fans self* I was really worked up. MasterDoc handed me the magic wand for a while and I teased myself deliciously until the wand started rendering me numb.
He finished his conversation shortly thereafter and turned his attention to me. I was stroking my clit, massaging my cunt. He lay down between my legs and watched me work myself up into a frenzy. My eyes were closed mostly but I loved the idea that he was stroking himself, getting hard while he watched me masturbate. I was feeling really wanton and loose. I think I used to hold back a bit with how horny I was feeling but now I get down to touching myself freely. Before he had even come into the bedroom I ran my hands over my breasts and stomach, passionately aroused.
MasterDoc fucked me from behind, and I held out begging to come for as long as I possibly could. These days I often just wait it out and enjoy the ride until he decides it’s time for me to come. I think I should be taped sometime for the audio track of a porn flick – I moan, gasp and squeal like crazy because I’m so turned on. Lately I like pressing my arousal to the point of near orgasm, but instead of coming I ride the wave of sensation until it ebbs enough to keep me from going over the edge.
The fucking was delicious. I did break down and beg for orgasm and shortly after he let me come. He plunged his cock deep into me as I twitched and came. After a while my vaginal muscles pushed his cock out and I squirted as he slapped my pussy. I kept writhing and coming and next he ran his hand up my back. Every little touch made me keep coming. He spanked my ass, first one cheek than the other and the pain felt so wonderful I cried out, “Yes! Yes!” as I came some more from the pain.
When he told me that I had had enough, I lay there in a daze. I thanked him for the orgasm and I must have been absolutely glowing. I stroked his chest and cuddled for a while, then he decided to shoo me out of the room while he went back online. I was so utterly satisfied that I was happy to go amuse myself with my laptop.

I receive a lot of compliments on this blog, and I appreciate them all. I put in the time and effort to write it. But I want to point out that the blog would be very, very different without MasterDoc. He comes up with the things we do, and it’s his deviant mind that provides the tales I relate here.
This reminds me of one of his favorite stories. Apparently he was out at a bdsm club years ago with his lady at the time. He did all sorts of hot, kinky shit to her and after, a guy comes over to her and says, “Wow, that was really hot!”
MasterDoc says to him, “Excuse me, but when you go to a magic show, do you compliment the wand?”
It’s time I pointed out the magician behind the magic here.
I can hear him now, “Aw babe, you didn’t have to do that.” But I’m sure at the same time he’ll be thrilled.

I’ve been feeling really subby the past day or so. While my insecurities scream from the back of my mind as usual, the sub in me has felt happy for MasterDoc to have fun with others when I’ve not been around. Being poly makes him happy. And I like seeing him happy. Perhaps I will manage to internalize this yet.
He had over our friend V. and our new kinky friend, Stacina, while I was at work yesterday. I certainly would have loved to be there to see V. fuck Stacina with a strap on than be at work. It sounded like it was hot. MasterDoc was then going to spend the remaining time fucking our new friend after V. had to go home but her back went out. Ever the gentleman, he set her up on the heating pad and took care of her. Of course, when I got to his place after work last night he was feeling a bit sexually frustrated. I was quite happy to be there to help him deal with the frustration.
Last night any little thing MasterDoc did that exhibited authority turned me on. When we got cozy in bed, he looked at my wishing box even though I haven’t added anything lately. (I did later that night however.) I told him that I couldn’t come up with new things to add, and he pointed out that it’s not just new things that go in there, but things that I wish we were doing more. Ah! I will keep that in mind. He read through each piece of paper and I realized that I couldn’t quite remember what was in there.
We watched some porn laying against each other, my back to his tummy and we both stroked ourselves. He reached over me and grabbed the magic wand, turned it on, and pressed it against my clit. I was so horny instantly and soon after he started he said that I can come as much as I like for the next minute.
I lost control completely as always. I squirted a little. I came over and over, being tossed like a ship on a stormy sea from one peak to the next. I can’t imagine what I look like at those moments. All I’m aware of is my entire body being gripped by orgasm. Body, brain, soul. He pulled the wand away after one minute.
I lay there recovering. And I remembered the all important, “Thank you, Sir,” in the aftermath of the orgasm he gave me.
He had me put the wedge under him and get on top but his cock wasn’t quite ready. Instead we cuddled and I stroked his cock. He talked dirty to me, taking control of the situation. He asks if I want to feel his cock inside me. Breathlessly I say, “Yes, Sir.” I moan a little and press my body against his. His cock is completely hard now and he decides on a change of plans – he has me get on hands and knees.
He fucked me while watching porn. While this was going on, I thought about how hot it is to be fucked while being somewhat objectified – for him to enjoy me while his attention is on the porn and I’m just there to plunge his dick into. I moan like crazy and could come at any second. After a good long fuck, he pulls out. He tells me: “Come” and I orgasm while he slaps my cunt. The come squirts out and splatters as he slaps. I come so hard that I start to worry I might pass out. My awareness goes hazy, it kinda fades in and out with the alternation of my breathing and holding breath. I keep saying this lately (at least to myself if not here), “I’ve never come this hard before!” like every time is even better than the last. I squirted again while coming.
After I’ve recovered, he says he wants to come, and I think that means I’ll be behind him playing with ass like most times. He says no, that I will help from in front. I focus in on his cock as he strokes it and I massage his ass and thighs. I become almost mesmerized watching him up close. When he’s nearly ready to come, he has me put my mouth over his cock and I feel the head in between my lips. He comes and I feel it spurting out of his cock and onto my tongue. A few quick spurts and I can feel the come resting on my tongue. He has me hold the come and his cock in my mouth for a while. He tells me to suck and more drops come out of his cock into my come-filled mouth.
I show him the cum in my mouth and he tells me to let it dribble out. It dribbles out too fast at first but I still had some in my mouth and did it more slowly the second time. He liked watching the come dribble out of my mouth. I liked being the dirty whore who held his come in my mouth and drooled it all over after. I later added to the box that I want to have him come in my mouth more often, that I want to be made to play with his come. I enjoyed that so much I was smiling like the Cheshire cat after.




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Welcome to the first edition of e[lust]! Below is your source for inspirations of lust and sexual intelligence from a wide range of sex bloggers. Want to be included in the next edition? Submission period opens for e[lust] # 2 on November 20th – subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for all updates! Check out the submission guidelines and rules of general conduct here.
This week’s top three picks as chosen by fellow e[lust] participants:
At Your Service - His hand pushes on my thigh and I turn away from him, allowing him to inspect my ass. His hands spread my ass cheeks and again I flood with wetness.
Cinderella – “‘I want to fuck you…’ he growled, nipping at her neck and kissing down over her breasts, biting at her nipples through the fabric, making her cry out.
Anal Sex Pt 2: The Ins and Outs of Butt Sex - Butt sex is what you make of it. Enjoy yourselves, be careful, and try everything that looks interesting.
Editor’s Pick:
The Slut Chronicles #5 – The Flight Delay – “When her eye caught his blatantly checking her out, he only grinned wider, with no remorse at all and it was she who blushed furiously.”
A note from the editor: And so it begins…
See also: Pleasurist’s #54 for your sex toy review needs.
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!
Erotic Writing
Just A Little Taste
Older and Better Than Ever
Good Morning
Your Eyes
MFM: The Student. The Teacher.
Get Me Off
The Club & Introductory Note
Don’t Come
The City
Howl at the Moon
Rimjob
Consumed
The Devil Inside
One of the Greats
Room Service
Kink & Fetish
A Busy Night
Bad Taste?
Protocols
The Illusion of Beginning: Pt 1
“You hit me…”
Reconnecting
Too Many Buttons
Nadia’s Wishing Box
The Mason Jar
So Sexy Boots
Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
Swing Shift Vol. 18 – Safe Sex and Getting Tested
Libido Resurrection Programme™
Check Up
Oh, Baby, Baby
UnderRated: Fucking the Mind
Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Vixen Invites
I’m Quoted in Time Out NY!
Top Five Tuesday – Euro Studs
She Makes Me Feel Like a Whore

There is something romantic
about the deep pools of need and want
silently begging from expressive craving eyes
There is something romantic
about the soft & silent stripping away of
all clothes and defenses
There is something romantic
about an old-fashioned slave
moving courteously, anticipating, gracefully
with simple elegance
There is something romantic
about one soul reaching out
to another soul
for guidance
for wisdom
for possession
for ownership

Kushiel's Dart, by Jacqueline Carey
The first novel in a trilogy about Phedre, a spy/courtesan whose two superpowers include learning languages really quickly and a preternatural ability to experience pain as intense sexual pleasure. You'd be surprised how many times erotic masochism comes in handy as Phedre and her fighting monk sidekick journey through an alternate history of the middle ages. Can they stop an evil takeover of the sexually-liberated kingdom of Terre d'Ange? This is one of those rare books that is a good adventure mixed with really hot sex scenes.
Kinks: Sadomasochism.
The Witching Hour, by Anne Rice
The first and by far the best of Anne Rice's interminable Mayfair Witches series, The Witching Hour is the tale of a powerful, randy demon named Lasher who has attached his fate to a family of Louisiana witches. Full of the gothy, historical-crunchy goodness that made Rice a superstar before that whole Jesus thing, this novel is about Lasher's mega-hot dalliance with our main character (he's polymorphous and invisible - you do the math), as well as the history of his love affairs with her ancestors going back several generations. Witchy ladies and sexy ghosts in Louisiana? You can't say no.
Kinks: Mind-control sex, incest.
Returning Creation (from the High Couch of Silistria series), by Janet Morris.
If you like to see ladies brought low, and then raised up to be worshipped, and then brought low again, then the "High Couch of Silistra" series is for you. Set on a planet of psychically-gifted people who embrace sexual diversity and peace, the series is focused mainly on sexual slavery and war. Our heroine is a prostitute (a noble calling on her world) who holds the "high couch" of her town - basically, she's the sex duchess. Unfortunately she's always being kidnapped or taken to other worlds where she's tied up, forced to have degrading sex, and (of course) has lots of tearful, shame-faced orgasms. Silly and pulpy, the first novel in the series is basically a swashbuckler with kinky bondage thrown in between sword fights. Also, there is a giant flying cat.
Kinks: Sexual slavery, bondage.
Gorean Saga, by John Norman
The 26 novels in John Norman's Gorean Saga no doubt inspired the "High Couch" series by Morris, as well as influencing an entire generation of kinky nerds who love to tie each other up and play slavery games. "Goreans" have been acting out their BDSM fantasies online since the days of text-only chat rooms, and they were the first group to buy an island in virtual world Second Life. Find out what all the fuss is about by checking out these novels about a nerdy academic who travels to a parallel world called Gor where all women are in bondage and all men can have their way with these collared, scantily-clad lovelies. All the Gor books are available in e-book form here.
Kinks: Sexual slavery, bondage.
Extraterrestrial Sex Fetish, by Supervert
A demented, hilarious, and theory-geekish tale of Mercury De Sade, who fancies sex with aliens and sets out to tell you, the reader, exactly how to get what you want out of every possible type of alien creature. Creepy in parts, this isn't really a book intended to get you off so much as to make you think about the mechanism of desire itself. Packed with weird interpretations of French philosophy related to alien life, this is a book that will take your breath away if you get off on post-structuralism and humping ET.
Kinks: French philosophy, sex with aliens.
Touched by Venom (from Dragon Temple Saga), by Janine Cross
If you want the full effect of these sexy-disturbing novels, you really have to read all three of them. Zarq is a young woman on a planet where dragons are sort of like a combination of cows, horses, and heroin. The winged creatures are a form of transportation, but people also eat their eggs and their super-addictive venom, which turns them into blissed-out, horny sluts. And even better than eating venom, which grows on dragon tongues? Well, it's actually having those dragons stick their venom-tongues deep inside your you-know-what place.
Kinks: Bestiality, drugs.
Lilith's Brood, by Octavia Butler
More alien sex awaits you in Butler's trilogy about an alien species that wants to merge with humans on a biological level. The aliens have three sexes, and their third sex has the ability to tap into your nervous system and give you the most amazing braingasm you've ever had. It can also remix genetic material to create human-alien hybrids. These novels are smart, politically-charged tales of what happens when humanity is colonized. But they also contain several scenes that manage to be both erotic and integral to our characters' development.
Kinks: Mind control sex, incest, tentacles.
The Pleasure Tube, by Robert Onopa
A guilty pleasure, Onopa's novel is about a conspiracy on board a special ship called "the pleasure tube," where you experience perfect happiness and sexual fulfillment while your brain is plugged into a computer. Mostly it's just a 1970s cheesefest, filled with lots of drugs and interchangeable hot ladies in crazy outfits. But there are also a lot of fun "we will plug this into your brain's pleasure centers" moments too.
Kinks: Swinging, cybersex.
The Velderet, by Cecilia Tan
If you've never experienced Tan's erotic science fiction writing, then you are in for a treat. Not only does she write the hottest kinky SF you've ever read, but she even runs a small press called Circlet that's devoted to erotic SF books. The Velderet is one of her masterpieces, about two people who go into a virtual world to find partners for the BDSM sex that's forbidden on their repressive planet. But then a race of aliens arrive to conquer their planet, and not only do these aliens practice kinky sex, but it's the foundation for their entire social system. So our kinky outlaw heroes are the best-equipped people on the planet to deal with the alien menace. Come for the sex, but stay for the awesome tale of alien invasion. The Velderet is available as an e-book from Circlet.
Kinks: Sadomasochism, cybersex, gender-role swapping.
Saturn's Children, by Charles Stross
The tale of a sexbot trapped in a vast smuggling conspiracy, Stross' novel is a veritable wonderland of kinky fun. Our heroine Freya is designed to be a sexbot, so she experiences everything through the medium of sexuality, including spaceship rides and pretty much any humanoid she meets. Highly recommended, though be warned that the sex is mostly played for laughs rather than hotness.
Kinks: Incest, robot sex, sex with furniture, sex with spaceships, sex with anime characters.


The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #173? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks
A Hot Fuck in a Parking Lot
“We got more daring and soon clothes were a hindrance to our insistent hands.”
I Think I’d Rather Misbehave
“I bet the secret thrill of this has your cock already climbing to attention.”
The Painter
“He says something, small talk, and I stutter something back, lost in the blue depths of his eyes.”
Sugasm Editor
Strildo?
Editor’s Choice
Yet Another Reason You Should Buy a Vibrator
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
Erotic Poetry
Enigmatic dance (*******My Sugasmic Entry!********)
Loved It.
Erotic Writing & Experiences
24 Hours To Cum
Be Careful What You Wish For…
Desire
Embarrassed, Amused and Turned On
Helping Hand
HNT 4 (and a savoury story)
Masturbation Madness
Mornings…
A much needed fucking…
Now She’s Giving The Orders
Shopping Day
This is Lolita on drugs (2)
This Is My Remedy
The Year 39 Update
You don’t want biographical info. I know what you REALLY want.
Sex Advice
Anal Play: Fingering
Brush Up Your Orgasm
Shay’s Condom Tips
NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Burns of punishment
Famosas azotables
Fit to be Tied
Free Heidi Montag Playboy Pictures – September 2009
Learning the lesson…
Naked and Caned
BDSM & Fetish
4 Scenes
Collar, Cuffs And Clamps
Driven by lust….
Honey Pass Me the Nut Cracker
The Negress Natters: Submission.
The perfect body for three-minute porn
Sex Humor
How Many Licks?
Thoughts on Sex & Relationships
The Confession…Coming Soon
Half-Nekkid Heavenly Body
In Search of…. my Clitoris
Is this the dark side of porn?
(Mis)Adventures In Dating: Do You Know Who I Am?
Nonstop Orgasms – HER Perspective
News, Reviews & Interviews
Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin
Icegasm Kit
Top Five Tuesday - Win 1000 FREE Porn Minutes



NEW! D/S PROTOCOL WEEKEND WITH LAURA ANTONIOU & MIDORI
(Washington DC & Toronto)
WHAT: "Passionate Bonds: Weekend Intensive for Conscious D/s & Protocol"
WHERE / WHEN:
2 Locations / Dates
- November 6 – 8, Washington DC
- November 20 – 21, Toronto, Canada
COST: $450 first person in the order. $400 for each additional individual.
Registration for both locations open September 18th at
http://www.FHP-inc.com/classes.php
Join Marketplace author Laura Antoniou and educator Midori for a special weekend
intensive designed for people who enjoy authentic power dynamics and D/s,
who want to consciously create quality relationships that suit their
personal hungers and needs in the context of the real world.
Far beyond what you can learn from a book or a standard seminar,
participants will be guided through a special curriculum designed to
clearly identify their value system, behavior preferences and relationship goals.
Through the unique curriculum and its innovative tools, each individual or
relationship unit will create their own customized manual of effective protocol,
rules, etiquettes and codes of conducts.
Class size will be strictly limited to allow for a unique quality experience
emphasizing individualized attention.
Q&A
Q. Do I need to bring a partner?
A. No! Anyone may attend, partnered or not.
Q. I am fairly new and my partner and I are exploring options. Is this for me?
A. This is perfect for you; come on in and discover your passions.
Q. I have been in the Scene for a while and I have considerable experience.
Can this be helpful for me?
A. Absolutely. Crystallize your experience and desires into a tangible and
intentional format, which will allow for greater success in your current and
future relationships. Come and reacquaint yourself with the dreams and desires
that brought you into the scene, and find out things about yourself and
your partner(s) you might not have seen before.
Q. My primary and I have a submissive – can all three of us come?
A. Pricing for this intensive is purposefully set to allow for “relationship units”
of every size; this is by no means ‘couples only’!
Q. Is this a play event? Will there be play parties?
A. While the Passionate Bonds weekend won’t be hosting play parties,
the local play space will be great to go and explore. The weekend’s emphasis
is on the heart and mind of creating an on-going D/s-based relationship,
so get plenty of sleep and be prepared to think! There will be sections
where physical actions of protocol will be studied and acted out.
Beyond that, we encourage the attendees to create their own playtime as
part of the weekend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OK there is the very first item for my Enigmatic Angel Wish List:
Spoil me with this, my enigmatic admirers, and you will become my new kinky best friend!
Kinky kisses,
Angel










The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #168? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks
Every Time You Orgasm, An Angel Gets Its Wings
“There is nothing that screams “fuck you” to the pain and the hurt in the world than screaming “fuck me” to the person in your bed.”
HNT: Spanked
“I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. But tonight, I was sure.”
A Thousand Kisses
“This wasn’t enough. I knew that I had to try something else.”
Mr. Sugasm Himself
Congratulations, you’re invited!
Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Religion
Editor’s Choice
Food, fun and commitment
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
BDSM & Fetish
Bending over for some harsh cane stripes
Digging a hole, is that the way you treat me
Lick me
Preparing for Punishment: part one
Puppy’s first visit
A Salute to Masturbation May
SF Treat
Subs: How to NOT Apply
That Look
Thoughts about the play party and Femdom.
Under 40 ~ The New Kinky Bar ************MY POST***************
What Kind of Submissive Are You?
NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Chloe
HNT
Love HNT Part II
So Many Stripes
Valentina Vaughn
Video Q&A #1
Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Dementor
Fat Ass Betty
Full Circle
Going where no one has gone before
Sex Humor
Adventures in Craigslist (and a belated HNT)
Erotic Writing & Experiences
Ass-tute
Conversations about Crossdressing (Early Morning Version)
A Feast of Cock
Gender Fuck
Her Favorite Positions - The Conclusion
I Can’t Get No…Contraception
Lessons from an Orgy
Lilly’s Turn - Part 2: Wherein One Good Turn Deserves Another
Mirrors
Must be the weather…
New Perspective
Party.
Picture of Propriety
Playing with Dolls
Please don’t book me ever again
The Poet Surrenders
Rebirth In An Orgy
The Synestheatre
Wet dream at the airport-part1
A Wicked Birthday Bang
Sex Advice
How to be bisexual on the internet
How to Give a Tantric Breast Massage
Sometimes You Need A Break…
News, Reviews & Interviews
It’s Good to be the Intern
Kink Interview: Thomas’s Spanking Exploits
LELO Luna Beads: Because You Deserve Them
Product Review: Intimate Organics Energizing Fresh Orange & Wild Ginger Foot Foreplay Lotion
Top 5 Tuesday - Sun, Sand and Smut!



Yet another reflective post, this one about how well i kept last years' resolutions and setting new ones for this year. But i think it's the time of year to be reflective and thoughtful isn't it? And i know i always do much better when i have some goals to strive towards, so i think this is an important process for me. Oh, Happy New Year everyone! i prolly should have said that at the beginning, but my mind is kind of everywhere at the moment. Anyway, here goes...
As is now traditional, i'm using the last day of the year to look back at the events of the last 12 months, and sum up each month in a few sentences or so. i've decided to pick out a few key sentences from blog posts for each month, then write about what happened to me during that month and how i was feeling. And i'll put a slideshow at the end :)

Answering the usual questions about this year, like i did for 2008, 2007 and 2006.
subtletimes recently posted 20 BDSM questions on her blog, so i thought i'd play along and answer them:
i keep writing a post and then thinking of more things to add - it seems the pregnancy hormones are fuzzling my brain already! Over the Christmas holidays i have been able to cross off some more items on my 101 list:
So i went to the doctor this morning, and he confirmed that i am pregnant. From my dates, he reckons i will be due about 8th September but that could be amended once i start being scanned and stuff (like it did last time). i told him that the line on the pregnancy test was a lot stronger than last time with Poppy even though i did the test at the same point in my cycle, and he said that shows this baby is eager to come because it prolly means that i ovulated earlier in my cycle and the baby settled into the womb earlier too :)
Somehow Christmas seems to have snuck up on me this year, because all of a sudden it was here, and now just as suddenly it's all over and done with. But i wanted to take the time to write about our family Christmas because we really did have a lovely one this year.
Recently someone on another blog (can't remember who and can't find it now, which is really annoying) wrote about how sometimes they wished they were 'wired' differently, i.e. they wished they could be non-kinky and not feel compelled to act in certain ways. i think that was the gist of it anyway, because i've spent a long time thinking about this since so it might be a bit muddled by my own thoughts. But basically my question was/is 'would it be better to be wired differently, to be vanilla?'
Just a quick postto tell everyone how incredibly proud i am of my little girl, and how everyday she does something to amaze and surprise me.
In not such great news i have a new lesson in 'libby's learning folder' related to the incident which happened the other day. Although Sir understood why i was upset, He was disappointed that i got cross with Him and seemingly refused to accept His decision for a while. (It wasn't really that i was refusing to accept it, i was just struggling with trying to understand it, but i know that it must have come across that way because of my actions). i apologised to Sir as soon as He got back from His walk with Poppy, but the damage was already done by then and i half expected a punishment or at least some discipline from Him. But Sir has decided that a new lesson in my folder will be enough, so here it is:
Today our nursery is closed because of the snow, so Poppy and i are now officially on Christmas holidays! (The nursery is open next week, right up till Christmas eve, but not my unit because it operates during school term-time only, but i booked Poppy that week off ages ago because i wanted some time to get me and her all nice and prepared for Christmas this year, especially as i'm attempting to cook the Christmas dinner myself for the first time ever!) Sir has gone into work today, but He says He'll prolly come home early especially if it snows some more as our driveway goes through the middle of a farmer's field so can be quite tricky to negotiate in the snow.
....... when your Master makes a decision that you are really desperately unhappy with?
** i started writing this post a few weeks ago at the beginning of November, but never got around to finishing it, so decided to leave the first paragraph as it is and then add to it. Hope that won't get too confusing!**
So as promised, here's an update on the '101' list, which for those who don't know is a list i compiled of 101 things i wanted to achieve in 1001 days - it's in the sidebar to view if you want to! Recently i have been able to cross a few more items off the list, namely:
First you really should go and check out the post which initially sparked this musing in my mind, over at Chloe's blog (which in itself was a response to something read on doubleknot's blog) -oh, and be sure to read all the comments too because there's an interesting range of perspectives there.... and then come back here to read my view, please?!
i just had to share what Poppy did today, because it's one of those classic moments when you're bringing up children which you just couldn't make up if you tried......
We took her to our nursery Christmas fayre, and we all had a great time - there was Father Christmas arriving in a white carriage pulled by two beautiful white horses, which we had a ride in, two very sweet reindeer which Poppy had her photo taken with but insisted on calling 'nay' (her word for horse), roasted chestnuts, Santa's grotto (and Poppy only got a little bit scared of Santa this year instead of shrieking at him like a banshee like last year!), tombolas and raffles and games and craft stalls and decorate your own biscuits and cake stalls and minced pies and mulled wines, etc, etc. Poppy loved it all, but she absolutely fell in love with these animals puppets which 'sing' when you open and close their mouths, so we bought her a frog one which ribbits 'twinkle twinkle little star'.
She was thrilled with it and happily toddled off round the rest of the fayre, clutching her new toy. All well and good, until she decided to announce her new possession to everyone with a very loud and very proud "fuck!" repeated over and over again. Seems she can't quite pronounce 'frog' properly but was blissfully unaware of the fact. So we drew quite a few raised eyebrows from other people at the fayre, and there were lots of people there! Luckily Poppy was also waving her frog around as she made her announcement, so hopefully people understood what she was trying to say. Looks like we're going to have to work on her pronounciation of 'frog' huh?
i asked for readers to leave questions at the end of my last post and 3 of you did, which i'm really pleased about, so i'm going to answer those questions here:
Stole these questions from Roles Defining Rules (here), because i think they're really interesting:
Recently i've found myself in a really good headspace. Ignoring the swine flu week, which left me feeling down and low and lonely, i've been feeling like i've got my life in balance and am doing my best in all aspects of my life at the moment - as a slave, as a wife, as a mother, as a nursery nurse, as a friend. Of course, i could always do with more time - to serve Sir, to play with Poppy, to keep on top of the housework, to spend with flame, to visit my family, to work on my training, to prepare activities for the children at work - but i feel that i am doing my best with the time i've got and am managing to keep on top of all aspects of my life without neglecting any area.
Being ill with the swine flu this week has really brought home to me what is important in my life - Sir and flame, but most of all Poppy. On the doctor's advice, i wasn't allowed to be in the same room as her all week, and definitely no cuddles or kisses because she wasn't supposed to get nearer than 3 metres while i was ill. So the most i could do was wave to her in the doorway when Sir brought her in to say 'goodnight' to me, and i found it very very upsetting.
So i spent a week recovering from the swine flu, and it was a pretty miserable week - i spent most of it in bed or laying on the sofa feeling rotten and not wanting to eat anything, having no energy at all, and not allowed to get too close to Poppy incase i infected her. But Sir has been looking after me real good, and my mum has helped out with Poppy all week, and different people have been spending time with me to make sure i didn't get lonely while Sir was at work. And i've been taking the tamiflu, and drinking lots and trying to eat as much of the food i could that Sir has been bringing me.
i've been diagnosed with swine flu :( Yesterday i woke up feeling really rubbish and it continued throughout the day - shivery cold but with moments of becoming really hot and sweating, sore throat with a cough, headache, aching all over, no appetite at all and very very tired. i actually slept most of the day, then in the evening Sir made me go on the swime flu website and we took the online questionnaire thingy and i had all the symptoms except for a temperature (though i did have a fever), so the website said it was 'very likely' that i had swine flu, which Sir got confirmed when He phoned the out-of-hours doctor straight after. i've been given a number for Sir to take to the nearest antiviral collection point on Monday and then i will start taking Tamiflu to try to reduce some of the symptoms. i'm actually feeling a little bit better today than yesterday, not quite so tired at least which is good, but i'm prolly going to be out of action for this week at least :(


i realised when i read the last post back that it might seem a bit weird that i was pissy all day yesterday, and yet it was only when i went into the bondage chatroom and spent time with someone who i don't really know that well, that i managed to finally chill out. Some people might be wondering why i wasn't able to chill out with Sir's help earlier in the day, and i wanted to make sure that people know it's nothing to do with Sir, it isn't that He doesn't care or doesn't try to help me when i am feeling pissy, but we have both learnt from experience that if anything it only makes it worse because then i get to feeling that i have failed as His slave, that He shouldn't be spending His time trying to cheer me up, that i should be trying to make Him happy not the other way round, and then my mood normally gets even worse.
... i can't submit properly to a Domme when i'm feeling even a little bit pissy. Yesterday i was feeling pissy on and off throughout the day, and even though Sir kept asking me i had no reason why and couldn't figure out what was making me feel that way. By the end of the evening i was feeling much more relaxed, mainly due to the attentions of a nice Dom in channel who snuggled with me and made me feel better. But when i woke up this morning the pissiness came gradually creeping back in, so i asked Sir if maybe we could cancel the session with Ma'am today. However Sir refused to cancel it for that reason, so i had to go ahead with it.